Today didn’t seem real. I’m at a loss of words for what today feels like for me. I hate seeing so many friends in so much pain. Especially the ones I’m not used to seeing so upset. It just shakes the ground from underneath me. I didn’t really know Adam. A lot of my friends did. He was loved by a lot of you guys, and I just feel so helpless and wish I could do something more. I really liked an idea I heard. The honoring him by eating 3 bites out of  a cheeseburger and then tossing it away as a send off. I really like any way you can honor the dead.

I had a pretty good birthday party with my family. Got to play some wii with little RJ. It was his birthday party too. We played Madagascar Kartz and Jeep Thrills. I got to hang out with my grandparents and see most of my mom’s side of the family. It reminded me of birthdays in my past. 27 years have gone by since my mom gave birth to me. And I’m finally just figuring things out. I’m finally getting a sense of myself, and what I need to work on/ stay away from/ do more of.

My life is in a state of controlled chaos at this point. I think maybe that’s why I can’t concentrate. Why I’m lacking focus? Or, as Cody explained to it, maybe the things I can’t focus on, are not really supposed to be focused on that much. Maybe the things I can’t focus on are just boring meaningless tasks that have no purpose in my life. Ok, so I probably misquoted him, but he’s quoting a comedian. I think it was Doug Stanhope. You can google it. I’m sure it’ll be way better from the source.

Wait, never mind. I got this.

After Youtubing Doug Stanhope, now I kind of figure this may be how I’m feeling.