It has come to my attention, that a number of items were left behind during the New England Power Convergence, which took place in the Hamilton Smith hall over the weekend of April 26th to 28th. Among those items were:

• 4 24×36 prints of class schedules which were taped up with blue painters tape and duct tape.
• 5 goldenrod 8.5×11 sheets with classroom letters on them, also taped up with blue painters tape
• And blue painters tape, in the shape of arrows left on the stairway leading down to the first floor of the hall.
• Flyers and stickers for attending organizations were left behind in the main foyer.

I am also being made aware of items that were either moved, or molested in some form.

I want to first and foremost apologize for leaving the hall in that state. There is absolutely no excuse for leaving the hall the way it was left. All other areas that Occupy New England used that weekend, including the Waysmeet center, our Solarfest booth and the City of Porstmouth, were left in better shape than when we had arrived.

You are absolutely justified in your outrage over this incident, and I have no excuses. I personally should have made sure that the hall was restored to its original state or better, as I had in all the other spaces. I apologize on behalf of myself, Occupy New England, and the participants of the New England Power Convergence, as well as its affiliated groups. The event consisted of a series of workshops to teach students and community members how to get involved with politics, community projects, and environmental issues.

I apologize to the Student Environmental Action Coalition, who put their trust in us to take care of the space they had reserved for the New England Power Convergence, and apologize to the English department for having to take a half hour of their time to remove what we could have easily taken down at the end of the day.

I take full responsibility of the mess that was made, and would like to offer my services to make up for it. If you have any need for volunteers to help clean the building, please do not hesitate to ask. This was my mistake, and I own all of the responsibility for it. This should not come down on the Student Environmental Action Coalition, or any other student organization.

My deepest apologies,

Ryan Glen Hirsch
ryan.hirsch@sourbrains.org

There are times when I’m unable to communicate with others effectively, and when I get really short with others. There are times when I’m feeling nothing but anxiety, and anger, and am trying my best not to let these feelings show on the surface. There are times when I’m in fear, and cannot seem to get a hold of myself. Hopefully, for most of you, you will never see me at those times. For those of you who have gotten close to me. You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve probably also seen me at my best.

But I take a look at myself at my worst moments and I don’t understand why anyone would put up with me? Why anyone would want to get close to me? At those times, I’m doing my best to push others away. I don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t want to be next to people, talking to people, let alone doing anything for them. So I push. I push people away. And now, I preemptively keep people away. Or just don’t make solid plans with friends. This has gotten a lot easier since I’ve been working on the road. And since I’ve also been a full time student. Hardly anyone has seen me for more than a couple days at a time. I’m a blur to most people. Showing up randomly in their lives and then quickly gone again.

This summer I’m going to work on becoming a person again. I’m going to work on not being a superhuman blur traveling through the lives of everyone I know at blinding speeds. But I must warn you, seeing me slow down. Seeing me be human. You aren’t going to see me at my best all the time. I have a lot of things I need to work through. A lot of things to reconcile. A lot of actions, reactions, and reflection that I haven’t had the time to do in these past two years. This could get ugly, and I’m going to need you to stand by me. To be my friend. I’m telling you right now. I’m probably going to fall apart… because I need to.

I need to start being unforgivingly me again. Applying the knowledge of everything I’ve learned. A new, better version of me. I need to grow beyond these emotions, and these impulses. I’m going to do it. I’m going to heal. I’m going to forgive myself, and forgive others who continue to make it hard to forgive. And then I’ll forget them and move on in my life. This is the start of a new day for me. This is the start of my new life.

Members of the military walked along Boylston Street near the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Aram Boghosian for The Boston Globe |

Dear Federal Government. I hate to break this to you like this, but I don’t think we can continue on like this. I have given and given you many of my civil liberties. And back then, I guess I was just really naive because even after giving you all of that, you still can’t even meet my most basic needs of my right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happyness. I understand you had the best of intentions, but I’m sorry. That isn’t good enough for me. You and I lived in fear for almost a decade.

I remember when you were hanging out with your friends GWB and DC and you guys would get carried away… not only infringing on my rights, but the rights of many others. I especially remember that one time where the three of you kicked in the door of the islamic neighbors down the street claiming they were going to commit heinous crimes against us. I should have never bailed you out and paid to have their door rebuilt, their living room remodeled, and paid for the funeral of their children. I should have made you and YOUR “FRIENDS” pay for it…. Because you didn’t learn any lesson from that incident, and I’m still horrified that I’ve stayed with you this whole time even after that. And now, I see you looking at my civil liberties again and seeing how you can continue to take away my rights. I see you looking at all of our neighbors with those suspicious eyes again.

I just don’t think I can take any more of this. You’ve put me through so much, and I’ve got nothing to show for it. You can’t even keep me safe from skinny 19 year olds. I’m sorry, but we are through, and I’m also recommending that you get some therapy. I don’t know what happened to make you act out in this way, but whatever it is… I don’t think it’s a healthy lifestyle, and I think you need some real serious help.

I know that I’ll be better off on my own, and with my sane friends who have been nothing but supportive and there for me time after time in the face of your abuses.

Oh, and P.S. I’m getting a restraining order on you. It’s called the Constitution.
Love (but not in love),
Ryan