Alright, so this week Epic Meal Time pulls off something pretty goddamn awesome, and by awesome I mean totally fucking disgusting to most culinary senses, but totally incredible and previously unseen in the realm of Epic Meal Time. Creative, well-produced and nicely stylized, there’s really not a whole lot I can say about this week’s episode by way of introduction without giving too much away. You’ve just got to watch it for yourselves… Romero would be proud.
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Epic Meal Time had a little trouble uploading their video this week so I’m bringing this debacle of edible debauchery to you a day late, hater. You’re gonna watch it, and you’re gonna like it. This week we’ve got more birds than Alfred Hitchcock could even dream up, dripping in a selection of custom dreamed up saaaaawwwwwces and cooked up with a custom bacon wrap tighter than the turban on Bin Laden’s head before a Navy S.E.A.L. blasted a few kindly how-do-you-do’s made of lead through it and left his grey matter all over the wall. Remember kids: bacon, way more tasty than grey matter.
Also, my favorite internet video blogger and all around fine looking female Jenna Marbles takes the time to show us what exactly it is that her dogs do when she’s not around. Stock broker? Poop smeller? Playing all kinds of dress-up when nobody’s looking? Cameo as the giant alien monster in that wreck of a movie Cloverfield? You be the judge in this Wednesday’s Jenna Marbles video, which could arguably be her most stupid and possibly uninspired one yet.
After weeks upon weeks of a complete lack of inspiration to write anything, and nothing in the news catching my interest in really any way at all, I finally have something to post about. And it just so happens on Epic Meal Time Tuesday.
I make it no secret that for nearly a month I’ve been sorely disappointed in the new episodes of Epic Meal Time coming out every Tuesday, especially last week’s garish flaunting of drunken debauchery. Not that I’m anywhere against drunken debauchery, just that there’s a time and place, and it’s place is not on Epic Meal Time, unless it involves some fucking meat and a shitload of bacon. So, with that said, this week’s episode finally came to the rescue of what I almost thought was a crumbling franchise. In it there is comedy, drinking, hot bitches, Jack Daniel’s, sexy saaaawceah, some Steven Seagal-esque neck snapping, and retarded amounts of unhealthy consumption of bacon and in general. You’ve brought me back my faith, Epic Meal Time, and for that I thank you.
For now…
Comin’ at you with another episode of Epic Meal Time worthy of propagating along the avenues of the interwebs. This week the boys get their Italian “Masta Pasta” skills on with some truly epic Italian-inspired creations; or should I say… abominations.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a bacon-weave manicotti, and it sure looks friggin’ good. Throw in some raviolis, some tortellinis, all hand-made and encased in bacon-infused pasta dough, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for the holy land of epic Italian meals. Oh, and of course you can’t forget the Jack Daniel’s, it really ties the whole meal together. Get EPIC!
If there’s one thing the boys over at Epic Meal Time know, it’s how to make bacon go with anything. In this case, it’s making bacon shatter your innocent childhood conception of some favorite mutated heroes. In this episode: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, meet Harley Morenstein and his crew, also known as the Epic Grandmaster Bacon Sensei and his Clan of Culinary Ninjas. (Yeah, I just made that up, what?) This week the boys pay a visit to their local Chinese supermarket where 
they spend in excess of $100.00 on turtles for a bowl of epic turtle soup. I’m pretty sure you can hear Master Splinter vowing eternal revenge and the Shredder laughing maniacally with the Foot Clan in the background while April O’Neil and Casey Jones weep.
Fear not though, for no actual Ninja Turtles were harmed in the making of this video. In fact it is more an homage to the heroes on the half shell, I mean just look at those bacon weaved meat-turtles with hot diggity dogs for legs… fuckin’ smart.
